When a child has a learning or physical disability, it doesn’t just affect them but also impacts their siblings. Brothers and sisters may feel confused, left out, or even resentful if they don’t fully understand what their sibling is going through. At the same time, they can also be loving advocates and strong allies if they’re given the right tools and support.
Helping children understand their sibling’s disability is an important step toward building a healthy, empathetic family dynamic. Here are some practical ways to support siblings and foster a stronger bond between them:
1. Start with Age-Appropriate Honesty
Children often know when something is different, even if no one has explained it. Being honest in a way they can understand would help avoid confusion or fear. Tailor your explanation based on the child’s age and maturity.
For example:
- A preschooler might only need to know something like this: “Your brother learns in a different way and sometimes needs more help.”
- An older child might benefit from more detail: “Your sister has cerebral palsy, which means her muscles don’t move the same way yours do. She works hard to do things that might be easier for you.”
Avoid using overly complicated terms, but don’t hide the truth. Being open builds trust and encourages questions.
2. Encourage Questions (Even the Tough Ones)
Let siblings ask whatever is on their mind, even if it sounds harsh or awkward. Questions like “Will he ever get better?” or “Why do you spend more time with her?” are common, and answering them calmly helps children feel heard and included.
It’s okay to say, “I don’t know” if you’re unsure about something. What matters most is creating an environment where children feel safe to ask, express and learn.
3. Acknowledge Their Feelings
Someone that has a sibling with a disability may likely feel a mix of emotions. It could be a sense of superiority, frustration, guilt, jealousy, sadness, or protectiveness.
Several feelings may have negative implications, that’s true, but regardless of what those feelings are, all are valid. Some may feel pressure to be “the strong one” or may act out because the sibling with a disability gets more attention and care.
Guilt-tripping them for having negative feelings towards their disabled sibling tends to worsen the situation, not mend it. The key is to encourage a safe space for them to express their feelings without judgment, and remind them that their emotions aren’t bad or discouraged, but it’s how they channel or navigate those emotions that matter.
4. Involve Them in Care Without Forcing Excessive Responsibility
Including siblings in simple caregiving tasks can help them feel connected. For example, they might help with reminders, assist with small chores, or play games adapted for their sibling’s abilities.
However, be careful not to place too much responsibility on them. They are siblings, not secondary parents. Let them enjoy their own childhood without feeling burdened.
5. Facilitate Regular One-on-One Time
It’s easy for children to feel invisible when another sibling requires a lot of time and attention. Make a conscious effort to give each child individual attention.
Even small actions count:
- Reading a bedtime story together
- Going for a short walk or ice cream run
- Talking about their day, dreams, and struggles
Quality time reminds siblings that they are just as valued and loved, regardless of whether they have a disability or otherwise.
6. Promote Empathy and Strengths
Help children see their siblings far beyond just their disability. Encourage empathy by pointing out shared interests or personality traits. Celebrate both children’s accomplishments and highlight each one’s unique strengths.
You can also involve siblings in finding inclusive ways to play, learn, or participate in family outings.
7. Find Support for Siblings Too
Don’t coddle or support a child with a disability at the expense of their other siblings. Make sure those siblings get the support that they themselves need to navigate these unique circumstances.
Sometimes, getting those siblings to talk to someone outside the family can help. Look for support groups, counseling, or even books about siblings of children with disabilities. These resources offer comfort, coping strategies, and a reminder that they’re not alone.
References
Taarana (2025) 8 Ways to Support Siblings of Children with Special Needs: A Guide for Parents [Accessed 7 August 2025] Available at: https://www.taarana.org.my/helpful-tips/children-with-special-needs-sibling/
Brookes (2017) 12 Ways to Support Siblings of Children with Disabilities [Accessed 7 August 2025] Available at: https://blog.brookespublishing.com/12-ways-to-support-siblings-of-children-with-disabilities/
RaisingChildren (2025) Supporting siblings: when your child has disability or ADHD [Accessed 7 August 2025] Available at: https://raisingchildren.net.au/disability/family-life/siblings/supporting-siblings
Ellen Braaten (2025) Growing Up With a Sibling With a Disability [Accessed 7 August 2025] Available at: https://www.mghclaycenter.org/parenting-concerns/growing-up-with-a-sibling-with-a-disability/